UNSOLICITED INTIMACY
Since the launch of #me too this has become a trending topic, which in my opinion, is becoming ‘over the top’ and getting completely out of control.
Now don’t get me wrong, there can NEVER be any excuse for unsolicited intimacy (sexual harassment) on any score! A position of power in whatever industry, does not give you the right under any circumstances to abuse said power and that the victims feel obliged to succumb purely with the idea that they have to, if they want to advance their own personal success. It then becomes just literally ‘social blackmail’.
On social media, on the news and in the daily newspapers, there is one story after another of people who have been abused on this score. Some say this was just drunken behavior or a once in a moment situation where things ‘just got out of control’. The thing I am missing in each and every story is that no one just says NO! What has happened to their voices? Are we in the herd so much that we just keep quiet and say nothing and then years later start telling the entire world about our experiences? Wouldn’t it better to stop it in the first place? And more important deal with it? More important NOT ACCEPTING IT in the first place!
Having worked for various companies during my working life, I can happily say that this never happened to me and if it had for any reason I would have said no. It cannot be just an automatic rule of thumb that we have to accept everything to ensure that we move steadily up the career ladder do we? Irrespective of what industry.
I had a variety of great bosses over the years and had a really good working relationship and genuine friendship with them all. During the long days and the fact that I spent the majority of my day with them for various reasons, of course you build up a relationship of some kind. But does it have to have a sexual tint? No of course not, there are people who can happily work together for years and years and this never happens. Where has the idea of a genuine friendship built up on RESPECT gone?
On the other hand of course, usually very insecure people in positions of power and ego will take advantage in such situations. What does it say about them? A lot more than it does about you if you have found yourself in a similar situation and believing the social media at the moment, I seriously begin to wonder if there is anyone who has not been in a such a situation anywhere!
The thing that really annoyed me of late was that there are some people who think this is something to laugh about. What! And Why? Seriously what on earth is funny about a situation where someone is sexually either abused or intimidated? People who find themselves in such a situation have issues and blockages for years afterwards. It can affect their entire life because it makes them feel worthless. Their self-esteem flies literally out of the window from the experience. Just look how they are reacting now on social media and how upset they all are about it. Imagine what this actually does to you: it scars you for life.
I have the feeling that the perpetrators are very insecure bullies! They would do so much better to spend their time and energy of dealing with their own problems than taking advantage of others. I know that I am perhaps generalizing at the moment, but looking at the way normal people behave, could this be the crux of why they do this? Power can be a strange thing itself when abused. When fear comes into the equation too, then it is explosive.
We are in a society at the moment where we ‘live’ on the digital highway. Everything is digital and we are ‘addicts to social media’ in all forms. This has become the way to get your voice heard above the masses. We are online all the time, not so much because we want to literally share everything, but more I feel, because we don’t want to miss anything. From Facebook to Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter and so on, there are just too many outlets to be honest. I myself use them and my Iphone is constantly by my side. It is just the way it works these days. We no longer socialize in normal ways, we socialize through social media!
Looking back a century or so ago how people behaved it is quite interesting to make some comparisons. Remembering that the equality between men and woman for a start was nothing like it is today. Men were considered the ‘superior’ and ‘stronger’ race and women were mainly in the background, being wives, mothers, cooks and housekeepers. Men worked away from home. Woman stayed at home and did their ‘job’ there, but at the time it was not considered to be a job, more of what was just expected of you. Women spent their time looking after the family, the home and generally I suspect working a lot harder than the men did in their far away offices and such like.
There was a form of social etiquette. People shook hands when they met. There was in fact little interaction between men and women who did not know one another socially. In 1918 (just a hundred years ago) if a man met a woman he would bow and take her gloved hand and plant a delicate kiss on it. Nowadays, people are kissing one another (three times here in The Netherlands) or something, which I really dislike; blowing fake kisses into the air besides someone cheek!
Men in those days outside the family circle would never hug one another, no way! But these days they do, and at the drop of a hat for any reason. I personally have no problem with the idea; it is good that there is some form of physical contact between people. That is after all the reason why we all wanted to have the human experience wasn’t it? It was the thing we craved as soul beings the most to be able to have a physical body and literally feel human emotions. But at the same time it was not to have a free pass to abuse someone in any way.
Now things are totally out of control. There is so much talk about unsolicited intimacy that people will no longer even dare to perhaps put their arm around someone’s shoulders to comfort them. What on earth is wrong with that? People will become totally fearful of any interaction be it between men, women or whatever because they will be afraid that at a later stage they might be accused of unsolicited intimacy.
This is getting ridiculous! There HAVE to be situations in which men and women interact without any sexual undertone. Now women are becoming stronger and finding their role more and more in the world, isn’t it time to stop all this nonsense and treat one another as equals and with respect! But having said this I know that things happen where women abuse men just as much as the other way around. Don’t you agree that it is all too sad that we have got ourselves in such a mess?
Socializing these days is almost a nighttime venture. People do not even go out until nearly midnight, clothed in the scantiest clothes (even without underwear) and they you have to ask yourself the question at some stage, it is almost like asking for problems? Drink and drugs are all part of the social scene; often people will first of all have a lot of alcohol even before they leave. Why? Well obvious answer is the cost, but do you have to be half drunk and leave all your inhibitions, any form of value for yourself behind you as you walk off out of the front door. Then and only then, can you have a real good night out?
And the big question is where is this all going? How many more people are going to be accused of sexual harassment? It is quite scary when you hear the names of people you think are normal and then find out that they have some really bad skeletons in their closets. Thinking here about the breaking news this morning of Kevin Spacey! And to boot years and years ago, so why rake up the mud all over again. What is the point? Getting the sympathy vote? At least he had the decency to apologize publically. This raises the question then: how many people have found themselves in such a situation? Everyone? Unsolicited intimacy is a trending topic and everyone wants to get out there on social media to share their story.
I agree, it is absolutely awful if this happens to you and you have everyone’s sympathy. I believe on the one hand it is good to talk about it and perhaps share with people who found themselves in similar situation but … there is like I said at the beginning, NEVER any excuse of taking advantage of another person for any reason whatsoever. But society has made a lot of people this way, because of their general fear. Fear that they have to perform, to be successful, to have a good job, earn a lot of money, have endless possessions otherwise you don’t count. How stupid is it really, but it is so true. We are judged not on the person we are, but the image we are projecting to the outside world and on the digital highway to boot! People with literally nothing can be so much more pure and basic.
We may be making huge leaps and bounds in technology and innovation (which is of course a good thing) and just think for one minute how much the Internet has influence on our lives. Social media is in some cases now a platform for you these days to say what you like about anyone, good or bad.
Whether we like it or not we are on the digital highway going full speed ahead, but it is important to remember that one of the most fundamental building blocks of being a human person anno 2017 is that we STILL HAVE A CHOICE AND A VOICE!
