When summer ends ...

The holidays are over and suddenly on Monday morning when the alarm goes so early I have

that same deep feeling in the pit of my stomach. The same feeling that I remember well as a child. The end of the summer school holidays and going back to school. The new gym bag which my mother had made filled with new plimsolls (I can remember the smell of them as I write and I still dislike it), new gym clothes and the day before sharpening all my pencils in a new pencil case and already to go, back into the daily routine, the following morning.

I suppose I was lucky that we actually lived opposite my primary school, so I literally just had to cross the road to get there. The stale smell of the classrooms, which have been shut up all summer, jostling for places, making sure I was sitting next to my best friend. A new teacher, new books (well that part was really lovely opening a brand new text book and empty pages just waiting to be filled with stories). It was quite something and I remember gazing out of the window longing for those special warm summer days, days where you could do what you liked, you did not have to do anything, summer breezes, blue skies, beaches, sand, sea, deckchairs and ice creams … ah happy memories

This feeling has never ever gone away actually even when I became a mother myself and my own children went back to school after the summer break. That same heavy feeling that suddenly I have little control over our life for so many weeks in a year, when school becomes the number one priority and literally rules and takes first place in everything. I worked from home and again my children’s school was literally only a short walk away. But having dropped them off that first morning, spent far too long chatting with other mum’s on the school playground, then going home to that empty house. And that same deep feeling in the pit of my stomach. The obligatory feeling that I had that I should spend my morning tidying up!

This may sound silly I know and now I am older, my own children have grown up and have their own lives, I still have that feeling even now. I really have no obligations as such with my work as a writer, I can work when I want and where I want, and so what is the feeling all about?

That feeling that suddenly even though you don’t want it to takes over and commands your life. The obligation you have whether you want it or not. Society places demands on all of us and of course I know deep down in my heart that we have to have certain rules in life, but that longing for the freedom, endless days of doing exactly what pleases you, isn’t it strange that one single alarm clock going off early on a Monday morning, brings a huge flood of emotions that have been held in my system since childhood?

And more important what can I do to finally get rid of this feeling or am I stuck with it forever?

In these times, the majority of parents both work, they have to, to survive and they spend their lives from Monday to Friday rushing around in endless circles trying to keep everything under control. At the end of the school day it does not end there because then there are copious activities to fill the remaining hours of the afternoon (after school activities like swimming, gym and so the list goes on).

Weekends are busy too, so many commitments (too many commitments!) and trying to catch up with all the things you did not have time to do in the week! It never stops; life becomes one long endless line of ‘having to do things’.

The first week after holidays are always the worst because you spend many moments during the day thinking: ‘this time last week I was doing this or that’, it all gets easier the following week and those memories of easy summer days and holidays fade away into the distance.

The reason I am writing this blog is to say it can all be different, it can! As I said I know we are all obliged, each and every one of us to follow societies’ rules. There is really not a choice; we do what is expected of us as a supposedly good citizen. I wonder how many people are reading this and thinking that they are actually glad when the school holidays are over, the children go back to school and they personally have more freedom? Strange that there are always two sides to the same coin isn’t it?

This morning and by the way it is pouring with rain as well, I have sat down and made myself a summary, literally written it down on a piece of paper, of the work I have done this year already and then the things that I have in my mind for the rest of this year as we now race forward into the autumn and no I am not going to mention ‘the December word’ here!

There are people though who feed an intense need to post up things on social media like … only … weeks until ……! No, I don’t want to think about that just yet, I am still in summer modus.

The weather has changed too this morning, is if it too, senses my mood swing. This time last week I was in paradise, on holiday, having an amazing time and now I am watching the clock, even though I don’t have any commitment to actually HAVE to do anything today.

So I started to think about all the good things I have in my life, as a sort of pep talk to myself to say, stop hunkering over the things that have already happened! It is not easy but there is a wonderful English saying about ‘water that has already passed under the bridge’. In other words, what has happened has happened and you literally cannot alter the flow and rhythm of either the water itself or the even the universe for that matter. It is now in the past. The flow continues and the only choice that I actually have to make is to continue in that same flow. So that is the intention that I have given myself this morning: to ease that heavy feeling in my stomach and to look forward to all the great things that will happen.

I literally stood in front of the mirror in my bathroom and looked deeply into my own eyes and spoke to myself about having gratitude for what has been and the abundance in my personal life. But even more so, excitement about what is still to come. And also took a few moments to think about all of those around the entire globe who are suffering and less fortunate, especially those who have been affected by the recent Hurricanes in the Caribbean.

Every single moment is one of a new opportunity and you can look at it which ever way you like, you can hunker after the feeling of what has been, or get enthusiastic and look forward to what is coming. Doesn’t that sound so much more exciting? I think so. What does this week actually in store for me personally? Well several exciting projects in the pipeline and things that I pushed to one side during the summer, waiting in the wings. Time to finish a creative project I have been playing around with for a couple of months, write another story or blog, join in with a new upcoming scheme for sharing creative things on a worldwide scale, update my own website. So actually there is a lot to think about and several things to get on with. So time for a coffee, pull myself together, put away those melancholy memories about another time and another place and move on.

Officially today (I wrote this blog on Monday by the way) is the first day of school for all the children here in The Netherlands and I just wonder how many people have had that same sensation that I had this morning when the alarm went so early?

If you did, good luck, remember by this time next week you will be fully back into your routine! Just like me. It is up to you which perspective you place on your own routine, is it a slur or is there room to do something that you really love to do. This can be so simple, just doing something you love for a short while each day is enough. You don’t have to spend hours plodding through something. Get organized, make your daily routine easier and share the tasks with others. I had to laugh this morning about something I read on Facebook (despite the fact that I have hardly looked at social media over the past three weeks and by the way I did not miss it at all!) just to make you smile:

‘A Teenager’s room is just like the Action (this is shop in Holland that sells literally everything!).

You go in just to have a look around and come out with underwear, socks, clothes, cutlery, plates, a bag of crisps and all sorts of totally useless rubbish!’

Sound familiar?